Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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