I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
