He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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