Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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