I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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