I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
