Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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