if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
