We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You are a genius and a whore.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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