You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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