I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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