He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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