ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize