he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
