bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize