why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
