You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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