Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
