Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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