I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
