I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
