Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
