Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
