I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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