why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
