"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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