Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
