shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
