We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
