i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize