A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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