U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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