I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize