Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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