And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
