Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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