Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
