I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
