He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
