I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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