yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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