Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
