I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
