Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
