I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
