My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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