i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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