Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently the secret to your success is patron
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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