Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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