worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
