I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
