Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
