We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
