arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
