if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
