matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
