He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
