we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
