This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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