he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
