It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
