Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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