Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step

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(217): View more from Illinois

I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school

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(208): View more from Idaho

the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker

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(302): View more from Delaware

my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things

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(513): View more from Ohio

Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.

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(561): View more from Florida

She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.

(315): View more from New York

How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car

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(858): View more from California

It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.

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(624): View more from

Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....

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