remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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