y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
