handjob tips. give me some.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
