Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize