bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize