Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
