got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
