i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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