Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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