what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
