my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
