I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
