Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
